With football coming at us all thick and fast it is hard to keep up at times. 14 Premier League
games alone this week and you could be forgiven for being socially distanced from all the
action from the last week. Have no fear though, once again us Jogo Bonito boys are here to
fill you in on what you’ve missed whilst you were otherwise engaged in/avoiding your
Independence Day inebriation sessions.
MOURINHO THE TRAINER
Let’s face it, Tottenham’s form is shoddy right now. 6 points from a possible 18 in their last 6
games is not what you’d expect from a team of (arguably) world class players led by one of
the most highly decorated managers in Europe. Since taking over in November 2019, Jose
Mourinho has lost 7 games at Spurs. That is one more loss than during his first 2 seasons at
Chelsea (2004-05/2005-06) combined. So, let me talk you through how I see Jose Mourinho
as a trainer.
I know what you’re expecting, some in depth statistical analysis of Jose’s record or his
training methods, but you’d be sadly mistaken, friends. The simple fact is that Jose reminds
me of a pair of trainers that I used to own. Much like the coat he used to wear on the
touchline during his Man Utd tenure, these trainers were Adidas Porsche Design. They
arrived in my possession much like Jose arrived in the EPL at Chelsea. Feeling like a
Russian oil tycoon, I managed to bag them up at a good price from under the noses of
several of the bigger boys. They were shiny, new, and fitted oh so comfortably,
outperforming any other trainer I had had before or since, truly special ones. I wore those
trainers at every opportunity and had many great times in them, but there was a limit to their
usage. Undeterred, I persevered with my trainers, wearing them beyond the ringing of their
death knell despite my partners continued calls to abandon them in search of the latest trend
in treads. Who can blame me? I was sentimental about the history of my “Jose’s”, alas, that
time eventually came, much like Mourinho’s has as a top manager.
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DAVID MOYES?
At the London Stadium, West Ham scored uno, dos, tres… times to temporarily subdue
Frank Lampard’s ever-growing smugness, but it was in the home dugout where strange
going’s on occurred. With the help of Michael Antonio on the pitch, a lonely strawberry
blonde figure stood in the technical area orchestrating the dissection of the in-form Chelsea
side. I mean it looked like David Moyes, but surely this couldn’t be the same man that
oversaw defeats to both Tottenham and Wolves, could it? Ironic cries of “All he does is win”
echoed around the JB group chats, but the jury is still out on whether it was the man himself
in charge that day or a lookalike with an actual plan!
THE KIDS ARE A LITTLE MORE THAN ALRIGHT!
We have an unwritten rule at Jogo Bonito. One that comes directly from our very own Tyler
Durden. YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE NATIONAL TEAM! In a treasonous and flagrant
flouting of this rule, I’m going to suggest one thing; Gareth Southgate, book yourself into The
Lowry, because Manchester is on fire right now. Let’s start with the elder statesman: Phil
Foden, who currently has the second highest G90 (Goals per 90 minutes) in the EPL at
Manchester City with a G90 of 0.65, second only to Sergio Aguero’s 0.99 G90. Furthermore,
this, combined with his A90 (Assists per 90 minutes) of 0.32, sees him currently as City’s
third most important player behind only Aguero and Kevin De Bruyne. Not bad company,
eh? The craziness does not stop there! Since the restart, Foden has played 225 minutes for
Manchester City, scoring 4 goals, and assisting 1. Meaning that he has either scored or
assisted once for every 45 minutes of football he has played! If more evidence is needed as
to how important this young man is for City and could be for…shhh, E*d, then, I will leave
you to ponder this: Foden was not in the squad for the loss against West Ham and he only
played for 31 minutes as City struggled to break down a resilient Southampton side… All he
needed was another 14 minutes Pep!
Meanwhile, across the city, it is a younger man making headlines for himself. Enter Mason
Greenwood. Whispers of “how good can this kid get?” have been coming out of United for a
few years, but those whispers have now turned into shouts throughout the media. At the
tender age of just 18, the natural finishing ability that Greenwood possesses falls into two
brackets, frightening and world class. His brace against Bournemouth showed that not only
is he comfortable finishing with either foot, but just how instinctive the process of hitting the
onion bag is to him. Greenwood’s G90 of 0.77 is the highest at United, despite the best
efforts of Rashford and Martial, who themselves haven’t been too shabby of late. With 15
goals in total for United this season, 8 of which have come in the EPL, it’s hard to believe
that Greenwood has only started 7 times in the league for United this term, but seeing is
believing and the Jogo Bonito crew believe this lad is a special talent.